Bought a new mug to remind me......

It started off as a feeling which then grew into a quiet hope.....

Go here then play "The Call"
http://www.myspace.com/reginaspektor

I chose to live here

New angle

So I've decided to change tactic slightly. I am forever cutting pics out of magazines and keeping them in a folder to save up for a life I think I will lead later. No one else sees this folder. They are usually pictures of hope, beauty and celebration. A dear friend friend of mine currently posts a blog of images of love and joy which has prompted me to wonder why I keep all my photos in a folder so I never see them?? Makes no sense but it's kind of a metophor for life & love. Why keep things stored for a future we may or may not have......and keep them for ourselves.....it's currently time for me to start sharing the images of hope I have.

so I may have slipped off

Ok so I haven't written anything down in the last few months but I have well & truly given my break on chocolate a break. Christmas day (instead of a year) was my end date and on Christmas day I had no desire to crack open a pack of chocolate biscuits. But the lead up was so hard. I sneaked one or two squiglle top cookies when we had them available at work and the guilt was enormous.

I think I went into confession mode as well....revealing to friends..."I had a cookie today" expecting someone to give me 5 hailMarys and make me promise not to do it again. I have one friend who will stop me eating chocolate when she sees my eyes light up at the sight of it. That's been mainly annoying....but she knows I really want to be strong.....so I can see her trying to be lovely. Since giving up and being cured I have a adopted a very slack attitude to it. I have specifically gone into Haighs to reward myself for my efforts and now I am back to square one again where I absolutely have to have it daily.

Temptation plus irritation = not happy Jen. No wonder it is so damn hard.

I think in order to put myself into check again.....my next step is to give up sugar. I have been out for lunch today and had an icecream and a small handfull of smarties and I am suffering the struggles of a sugar high.....can't concentrate or listen properly.....can't concentrate on work (which is why I am doing this self commentary at the moment)

I am buzzing slightly......

Our family has a history of type 2 diabetes so I really think I ought to knuckle down and give up sugar which will of course kill the chocolate cravings. Aparently the first week of a sugar fast is the hardest thing. I have quite a high capacity for sugar intake so I think my sugar level must be quite high already so I expect full on cravings. I don't actually know how one does it but it has been done. I found one person at least who has done it. http://www.ehow.com/how_2221464_give-up-sugar.html

Sugar is apparently more addictive than cocaine & nicotine. I no longer want to be ruled by the devious granules of fructose.

If anyone is doing the same thing....write in and let me know....these things HAVE to be easier in groups.